8 Songs For Loss and Healing

songs that help me manage grief as a mom and widow I'm raising two toddlers, caring for a house, writing grants, planning a golf outing, trying to sprinkle in some "me-time" here and there while learning all the ways that grief unexpectedly smacks you in the face everyday.

The ocean in April. Why do toddlers feel no cold?!

That being said, there is very little time to sit and "feel" my feelings. Making time to write a blog is one way I force myself to do that. But no matter what I'm doing, grief is always lurking in the background.

Besides my kids and writing, music has been my main source of therapy for the past two years.

Anyone else have a "Sad Songs" playlist? No? Because I do. And on the rare occasion that I'm alone in the car or out for a run, I play my sad songs and get all in my feelings.

They make me feel more connected to Mike. They make me feel sad, but they also give me peace...

8 Songs for Loss and Healing 1. Beat You There - Will Dempsey "I don't know why God always takes the good ones first

And man I've tried to be strong and carry on, but damn this hurts

And I just wish that I could talk to you again, somehow, some way

Even if it's for a moment, so I can hear you say

Don't cry for me; I'm alright

Yeah, I'm better than you know

And this life can be a shorter ride

So don't waste it on sorrow

And just hold on to those moments

And the memories we shared

We're both headed for the same place anyway

I just beat you there...."

The song ends with "I'll see you there."

So yeah, this song just explains itself.

2. Love You Anyway - Luke Combs "Even if I knew, the day we met, you'd be the reason this heart breaks Oh, I'd love you anyway...."

I think about this often.

If lil' 15 year old me could of had the tiniest glimpse into there future or the smallest sample of the pain I'd experience 15 years later.... Would I have done everything the same? If that glimpse into the future showed all the beauty in our relationship in addition to the pain, if that glimpse into the future showed the two children that would light up my life and get me through the very darkness of days, if that glimpse showed me the rare, unconditional love that I'd get to experience for 15 years but some search a lifetime for... Then, the answer is undoubtedly yes. I've heard many times that grief is the continuation of true love - so gosh, how lucky am i? Lil' 15 year old me would absolutely have loved you anyway MLD.

3. Patience- Guns N' Roses Ok, this song isn't exactly about loss but here's the story...

As Mike and I sat in the ER waiting for MRI results, I was insanely anxious - like more than I have ever been in my life. I couldn't sit still for a second but Mike laid in the bed, calm as ever. As I'm pacing back and forth, he was video taping me to the the part that says: "....woman take it slow, and it'll work itself out fine

All we need is just a little patience"

This song transports me back to that hospital room. Like, if I just close my eyes, I could turn around and see Mike giggling at me as I wave down the nurse for the 99th time in 15 minutes to ask for an update. But this song also makes me smile because the way he used humor in his journey was so incredibly admirable. He was always the calm to my storm - even in the depths of a cancer diagnosis.

staring at these walls, pacing back and forth on these floors. waiting.

4. Eyes Closed - Ed Sheeran Also known as "the eyeyeyeyeyeye song" by my toddlers. "I pictured this year a little bit different when it hit February

I step in the bar, it hit me so hard, oh, how can it be this heavy?

Every song reminds me you're gone and I feel the lump form in my throat"

"I pictured this month a little bit different, no one is ever ready

And when it unfolds, you get in a hole, oh, how can it be this heavy?

Everything changes, nothing's the same, except the truth is now you're gone

And life just goes on"

It's such a bizarre feeling to be frozen in time while the whole world just keeps moving.

When Mike was on hospice I thought this all the time.

Our life was stopped and I would think: how can anyone possibly go to work at a time like this? How can anyone go to dinner, a wedding, a bar, etc.?

It's like wherever I went, I just wanted to shake someone and scream DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT MY HUSBAND IS DYING?

But the harsh, painful reality is that life does just go on. Even when you wish everyone would just pause a minute.

5. In Jesus Name - Katy Nichole "I pray for your healing

That circumstances would change"

"I pray that a breakthrough would happen today"

While Mike was on hospice, I listened to this song over and over and over again with tears running down my face. I was hysterical at times. I've never been so emotional over a song but I felt those lines so deeply. I was trying so hard to understand, spiritually, why this was happening to my family, and I was praying for that breakthrough.

6. If Heaven Had a Landline - Brian Cogdon "Some things in life just ain't fair I know you're watching over me, I hope you're doing it with a smile But I'd give anything to hear your voice one last time

If Heaven had a landline I'd ring it up every day Find ever reason to call you up and say Is it everything they said it'd be? And I hope you're doing alright Losing you would get easier with time If Heaven had a landline"

Something about the "is it everything they said it'd be?" does it for me. The amount of magic and healing I'd feel if it was possible to hear a quick: "It's beautiful up here and I'm doing really well."

7. Someone - Aaron Lewis "No one else could've loved me like you do Thank God, my someone's you

I wasn't perfect, you were patient

I didn't know what you were waiting for

I swear I must've found an angel Sent from Heaven's door"

This song came out in 2022 when Mike was sick and we instantly loved it. We listened to it to over and over, to and from our drives to Jefferson together. I think being in the thick of it, these words really resonated with us.

Mike was truly so grateful for all I did while he was sick, but the reality is, it was so easy to want to care for him. He did so much for me in our life together. I felt just as grateful to him.

I think we both just felt so lucky that it was "us".

8. Chapters - Brett Young

"There's no perfect life, you can't hold back time

But you hold on tight, hopin' you might find

Every page you turn is a lesson learned

Ain't we all, ain't we all just tryna get it right?

These are the chapters of my life

The chapters of my life" Someone sent me a message recently that said "I love how you live your life making choices that you know are right for you and basically just holding your breath and hoping for the best."

And I sort of feel that in this song. We're all just trying to get it right. Do what makes us happy. Hurt as few as we can along the way. My book can't end here and the next chapter is up to me. The only way to move forward is to follow my heart and hold my breath....

and to hope I'm getting it "right".

<3